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August 19, 2016

CARL DIGGLER’S FRIDAY MAILBAG: I Match Wits with MSNBC’s Steve Kornacki & Shed a Tear for the Contemptible

Last week I unveiled my preliminary 50-state general election forecast, and immediately the trolls came out of the woodworks to second-guess the Dig.

“Indiana is a tossup, not a Trump Lead!”

“Colorado are Virginia are still a swing states, you Hillary shill.”

“Mr. Diggler, your characterization of Bernie Sanders as a ‘wandering Jew’ is not merely offensive but” — blah, blah, blah.

Well, feel the math, critics:

One of those gainsayers was MSNBC host and political analyst Steve Kornacki, who came on my radio show this week to put his “statistics” up against the gut wisdom of a 30-year veteran of insider reporting both inside the Beltway and out.

Have a listen:

(Subscribe to the Digcast on iTunes and Soundcloud.)

Now, on to your questions:

Are you happy now, Carl? Now that Gawker will be shuttering its doors, do you feel you’ve finally won your war?

Jonathan Black in Sherman Oakes, California

At first I felt a sense of vindication. After all, I destroyed Alex Pareene regarding the website’s continual harassment of me. For the past 15 years Gawker has written disgraceful articles about me, putting the word “journalist” in scare quotes, noting international incidents I accidentally caused, reporting on my various stuck-in-elevator incidents without also reporting on the courageous ways I extricated myself from said elevators. However, once I had pounded my third Michelob Victory Limited Summer Ale and the fog of war cleared, I took account of the situation.

The fact is, many young journalists are going to be out of a job, and that just isn’t right. While I’m the first guy to say he loves disruption, Peter Thiel’s destruction of a media company is chilling. I can only imagine what would happen if a rapacious billionaire were to be offended by one of my many pieces that speak truth to power.

Mr. Thiel, you don’t sue a publisher into submission then just shut it down. When I win my lawsuit against Twitter for allowing various trolls and colleagues to harass me every hour of every day, I won’t take my 100% stake in the company and just shut it down. No, I’ll keep it open and merely ban everyone who disrespects veteran reporters, retweets certain things they said out of context while under the influence, or goes into their mentions without express written consent. I’ll do that because I respect free speech, sir.

So let’s lay the arms at our sides, journalists. While we may differ in color, creed, and class, our skin is stained with the same ink at the end of the day. We can’t cheer at our own falling.

Dig, what do you make of the new Trump team? Steve Bannon raises alarms, as does Joseph Schiltz. While I’m as big a West Wing fan as anyone, I don’t think “letting Trump be Trump” a la Bartlett is a good thing.

Judd Nutt in Roanoke, Virginia

While Trump has admirably picked up a staff of web-savvy millennials, they’re the kind who get mad about video game mammories and racial purity. Yes, these kids are adept with memes, but instead of the delightful “Dat Boi” or “Anxious Meerkat,” it’s the hideous Pepe frog operating any number of genocidal instruments. Those aren’t going to be picking up donors, no matter whose email lists you buy.

Also, Joseph Schiltz’s quixotic quest to prove his own wife’s Jewish heritage will be a major distraction. I can speak from firsthand experience when I say that protracted struggles to determine a spouse’s racial composition can sideline projects.

Stay tuned in the coming week, though. I’ll be taking a look at Trump’s new campaign, giving you a pundit’s eyes view of these young, anguished Saxons.

Sadly, there’s one more question to answer this week. I only publish this as a lesson to future correspondents on what NOT to do:

Howdy, Carl! I hope Casa de Dig is sitting well, because the Milk House has been rocked by the latest Russia scandal.

I know you were held captive by the Russian government in a sick attempt to brainwash America’s alpha males, so it must be vindicating to learn that Trump’s campaign manager was a Russian agent all along. But you and Crimea weren’t the only ones hurt by Vladimir Putin’s attempt to divide us.

It has now been leaked that my nemesis, the coward Adam Pepsi, the idiotic steam train-loving Train Table Simulator 2014 Twitch streamer, was all along on the payroll of the Russian government. For the past several years Adam Pepsi and I have been public rivals on the GameFAQs message board for TTS14. While heated, our noble debate between the virtues of the disgusting “coward’s air” of steam-powered train engines and magnificent “glory smoke” of diesel-based train engines never reached the level of high treason — or so I thought. But then Julian Assange, a fellow alpha male and diesel engine aficionado, leaked documents proving that the neo-Communist Russian government has been bankrolling Adam Pepsi’s disgraceful pro-steam campaign all along.

These documents prove that the Russians knew the whole time that diesel engines are far more efficient and reliable than steam engines yet nevertheless chose to disregard that fact in a desperate and frankly sad attempt to make me appear as a FOOL on the GameFAQs message board. Russian hackers LEAKED key Train Table Simulator 2014 and Train Table Simulator: Subway Scheduler expansion strategy guides that were intended for INTERNAL STEAM FAN USE ONLY so as to assist their treasonous participants in the diesel fandom. Furthermore I have reason to believe that these Russian agents are attempting to install Otis elevators in several Trump Tower high rises despite the fact that Thyssenkrupp elevators offer a smoother and more energy efficient ride. The inferiority of Otis elevators is public knowledge, as I am sure you will agree, Dig.

I brought this matter up to several GameFAQs message board moderators, yet every single one of them told me that they could not delete the illegal pro-Russian diesel engine strategy leak message posts, proving once and for all that the GameFAQs message board moderators are RUSSIAN SHILLS bought and paid for by Vladimir Putin who want nothing more than to spend their time huffing steam engine dick.

So I need your help, Dig. Can you use your insider media connections to convince the GameFAQs Train Table Simulator 2014 board moderators to delete these slanderous posts and force them to apologize for ever supporting disgusting steam engines due to payola from the Russian government? And if you want to do me a real favor, can you get Loretta Lynch to arrest Adam Pepsi for treason in the first degree, counterfeiting Train Table Simulator 2014 Conductor Bux in-game currency, and attempted murder for advocating the installation of dangerous Otis-brand elevators in public buildings?

David “The Milk” Milkberg, Essex Co., NJ


Here we are again. You saying something stupid, and me responding to it.

First off, shame on you for comparing your asinine train message board issues with my experiences as a POW in Russia. I was locked in a prison hotel room, forced to subsist on a thin lamb and goat stew. You, meanwhile, sat at your computer terminal like an indolent moron, clicking on your precious trains to send them to the right virtual destinations. Congratulations, David. You have won the princess, but you haven’t won your virginity back.

Second, even if I had the wherewithal to win your petty message forum debate, I would not do so for you. I am a respected journalist, and I have no time in my busy schedule to make for trains. Stop asking me to fight your battles for you. I’m sure you can handle your little friend “Adam Pepsi” without my assistance.

Finally, David, I am clearly still being monitored by the Russian government due to my superhuman intelligence and raw animal magnetism. Every message you send me about trains or elevators is data these Russian agents will ultimately use against me in their psyop operations. Do you realize you are literally hurting me by contacting me? No, you do not, because you are David Milkberg, the dumbest reader of all time. Use some damned discretion next time, David.

Carl “The Dig” Diggler has covered national politics for 30 years and is the host of the Digcast, a weekly podcast on iTunes and Soundcloud. Got a question for the Dig? E-mail him at [email protected] or Tweet to @carl_diggler.