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September 23, 2016

CARL DIGGLER’S FRIDAY MAILBAG: I Debate Marc Maron’s Lackey Into Submission & Break My Silence on Chris Cillizza

In three days, voters will get a front row seat to the Fight of the Century.

At Hofstra University, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump will face off in the first of three Presidential debates. I weigh the contenders and call the favorite on this week’s episode of the Digcast.

But there’s another title bout on this show. My guest today is a writer, actor, podcast host, and cyberbully.

You may be familiar with the Dave Anthony from his appearances on IFC’s Maron or the Dollop, the history podcast he co-hosts. Now allow me to introduce you to the real Dave Anthony:

This week’s episode is the culmination of a months-long campaign on my part to ensure Dave Anthony faces justice for his rudeness to veteran reporters on Twitter. I contacted David’s boss, Marcus Maron, to get him fired. I called his home at 3 AM merely to whisper “the trade deficit” — the most ominous three words in the English language — then hang up. I sued him in family court.

Now, after having deceived Dave Anthony’s publicist, the spider has lured the dung beetle into his web. Listen me take this notorious Hollywood troll down:

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Now on to your questions:

Look at Hillary’s eyes, you cuck. She’s dying right in front of us and you in the ZOG-run MSM are trying to tell us she isn’t.  

VIsigoth_Anguish in Kansas City, Missouri

First of all, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, Visigoth_Anguish. I’m going to let you get away with calling me a “cuck” this time so I can publicly address this, but I do not offer my analysis to people who insult me.

Second of all, Hillary is exhibiting the signs of a perfectly benign ailment, which I also suffer from, known as Romanov Ocular Dislocation Disorder (RODD). See, when us “Occies” (as we call ourselves on the message boards) experience temperatures from anywhere between 64.3 and 75.4 fahrenheit, our orbital bones become loose and give us that “googly eye” look. It’s less a disease than a genetic quirk, such as freckles, attached earlobes, or sleep vomiting (RODD also causes this).

As a bit of an amatuer legal beagle, I often wonder why Hillary didn’t claim her RODD prevented her from seeing Sidney Blumenthal’s explosive and illegal emails that will likely send her to prison even in the event of her capturing the white house.

Wow, what a shock. A bitter old man afraid of a world changing in front of his eyes uses his platform to attack those most vulnerable to the world his generation helped create. Do you even realize the ticking time bombs of climate change, nuclear conflict, and NATO—

Alright, Millennial Mike, I’m gonna stop your manifesto before you open fire at a mall food court. Like many who read my invective against the most selfish generation, this collicky toddler sought to take out the pain of his own failure age group on me simply for pointing out the obvious. Listen up, hot shot: feel your fists balled up and your lips quivering? Good. Direct that at your real enemy: the budget deficit.

I saw your friend Chris Cillizza started a podcast too. I’m a huge fan of both Digcast and Ciquizza. Maybe you guys could collaborate.

Alger Pawn in Lincoln, NE

This is NOT a question. It is a remark, and a stupid one at that.

The Fix and the Dig are NOT friends, not since Cillizza dispatched his henchman to assassinate my reputation, a treachery for which the Fix was ejected from the Fact Friends.

Furthermore, “Ciquizza” sickens me. Of course the Fix would host some flashy game show, his own little Price is Right where the points don’t matter and the listeners the losers. By contrast, my podcast is about naming the winners and losers of the week and interviewing key figures from the worlds of politics, journalism, entertainment, and sports comment sections.

So no, I will not be collaborating with the Fix. And I forbid you and all the other Digheads from listening to “Ciquizza.”

Carl “The Dig” Diggler has covered national politics for 30 years and is the host of the Digcast, a weekly podcast on iTunes and Soundcloud. Got a question for the Dig? E-mail him at [email protected] or Tweet to @carl_diggler.