Dear Reader,

Here I attempt a rough taxonomy of Donald Trump’s sycophants. My unscientific analysis suggests three categories. And there’s a quiz at the end.

The first species I will call, uncharitably, the Dimwitted Cultists. These folks are not particularly interesting; they are unthinking and unflinching in their crude worship of everything Trump says and does. They are one-note cheerleaders, who unlike actual cheerleaders, don’t even know when their team has lost the game. This mindless mob includes the likes of Representatives Matt Gaetz, Jim Jordan, and Marjorie Taylor Greene; associates like Michael Flynn and Roger Stone; and lawyers like Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani. Rudy didn’t used to be dimwitted; but he sure seems so now. The old Rudy would never have put his very law license in jeopardy in favor of a cult membership; the old Rudy also would not have done things to put himself in the criminal crosshairs of the office he once led. Note a common feature of the Dimwitted Cultists – they tend to have the stink of corruption and criminality about them. Several are convicted felons; several others may soon be charged and/or sanctioned. But enough about this group. They are what they are.

The other two species are neither dimwitted nor cultish, though they will strategically act the part when convenient or helpful to the maintenance of position or power.